Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
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In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
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Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
So here I am, sexting at work.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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