I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
