What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I love having hate sex.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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