hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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