Tell her she can't have a vagina
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Randomize
