The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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