She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
