I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
