guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
