she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Randomize
