if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
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