Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
