Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
