Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
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