Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
