it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
