Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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