Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
