I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
