oh god the rape fog is back!
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Randomize
