Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Randomize
