I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
