The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
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Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
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Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
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