Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
