Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
