I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
