Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
You can't just leave with hair like that
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize