Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
