i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
dude i'm inner monologue high
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
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