i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
operation harelip BJ is a go
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
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