Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
