Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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