I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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