so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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