What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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