i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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