I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
