Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I seem to have left my pride at pride
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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