Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Randomize
