Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
