Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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