Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
