Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
