idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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