I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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