I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
