I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
