so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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