I accidentally burped into my bong.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
