I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
