when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
