we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
