Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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