Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Randomize
