Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
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you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
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New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
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