I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
