dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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