And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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