Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
