im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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