I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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