Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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