I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
