I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
