How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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