Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Randomize
