it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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