ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
