he thought i was a dude.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
