does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
