Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
We got so high we made milksteak
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
