So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
