I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Randomize
