just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
