god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
