i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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