just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
