I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
