You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Randomize
