my mouth tastes like poor choices
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
