Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
