We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
