my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize
