im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
