morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
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