OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
