you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
