I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
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