Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
