6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
